Gender Divide – A Conversation to Initiate Bridge Building

A friend of ours offered the following considered exploration around the Gender Divide after a late night conversation on Peace between the genders.  A good place to start Peace Making 2018.

Thank you Bari.   Adrienne’s responses in Blue.    Let the Conversation Begin!


Both gender have X chromosome. Both gender in utero, start out the same, then the sexual predisposition forms the different reproductive and urinary organs. Thus in prenatal we are one.

That is the physical sexual development skit.

I have firsthand experience of a person whose body was male and had female hormones. Some people are hermaphrodite and some people believe their body is one gender while they feel they are the opposite gender. And there are proven extra chromosome people.

That is the physical blend.

Then there is the, let’s say, emotional, mental gender.

One can be raised masculine or feminine. It’s in the news. Or one can be raised as both. Or believe that, they have both.

Shall we promote any of these scenarios?
I believe what is important is to raise children to believe they are Enough, regardless of physical or emotional gender. When I feel good enough about myself it is much easier to appreciate the view from the other side rather than need to fight it. Two heads are better than one.

As humans we long for connection and we crave variety and stimulation. It’s our human mind. We are capable of seeing inside our mind and seeing the environment around us. We can be blind to reality and we can have elaborate fantasy.

With the human brain, you can ask for and even induce new beliefs. There is neuroplasticity and imagination and indoctrination.

How can a ‘better than’ be avoided in the next steps ahead concerning gender?
Perhaps the key – since both genders are needed – is to engender a celebration, a self appreciation, of the gender one is.  One gender is no ‘better than’ the other, nor needs to feel ‘better than’ unless harboring a hidden ‘less than’…which is why a new start begins with self love.
And self appreciation – for our generations who have been through the abuse of false belief systems – is found beyond the healing from and finally forgiveness of the past.  I’ve found it’s an incremental journey.

Is the open-minded accepting group doing the right thing? Is the gender specific group doing the right thing?
Maybe the question is are they supporting self acceptance? ( which is not to be confused with ego).

Some will ask, “What does God say?” If God is the bible, we are not changing a thing for gender.

But if God is one’s heart, that is a God of a different source. Then God shows up with feeling out the right path.

But, to find the right path, the heart has to be stripped of training and experiences both positive and negative. For experience predetermines judgement.
Belief creates behavior that re-enforces beliefs that creates behavior…….. Healing the wounds of the past can allow for new heartfelt experiences.  Harder to love self or others when in pain.

Imagine a heart totally ready to listen to the highest energy of rightness… a heart ready to hear the way to proceed. That heart has to have forgiven all the bad and that heart has to have forgiven all the good. This ultimately ends in letting go of the emotional charge from gender.
Yes.   Emotional Androgyny?

Gender has a bad rap. Gender has its own issues but it is also being blamed for what sex has done. Sex needs to be severed from gender.
I agree.

Gender is physical, it is a feeling and a belief about identity. Sex is action.

Sex can be destructive or procreative. Sex can rule or be squashed. Sex is about power.
It has been used that way. Hard to say ‘power’ without the implicit unsaid meaning of ‘power over’…domination, which happens with deeply seated beliefs in ‘better than’ and ‘less than’ about gender.

So who is on trial in the media? Or, if you wish,  what is on trial? Sex or gender? Is the revolt about M/F or is it about power?

Well it’s about power and gender and sex are accomplices. S and G are unwittingly aiding and abetting power. Gender is aiding with patriarchal consensus. Sex is aiding with its mythology.

The good news is that S and G can function any way one chooses. Ancient historical knowledge demonstrates social behavior with sex having no power and gender did not determine power. Ah, but that was a long time ago, and power experimented with all sorts of ways to establish itself. So power experimented with sex and gender.
I think we’ve all played the game of ‘better than’ and ‘less than’ taking turns on the teeter-totter. I don’t particularly ascribe any power to power cause it just comes down to us folks doing our thing.

And in 2017 people are protesting and outing and breaking the silence about the experiment. The idea of an experiment is rich. An experiment can fail but still be useful. An experiment can teach and move knowledge forward. Experimenting adds another facet to the dialog.

We are in the experiment. We can bond or we can separate the elements. We can use these two things to study the elements. The experiment can be interpreted in different ways. And that is good!

A right winger reads the experiment. A leftist reads the experiment. The truth comes out by discussing the experiment.

The US is an experiment. Each group you look at is a gestalt experiment. When two people interact this is an experiment.

The social experiment is about unconscious and conscious behavior. Who has more power? Who is what gender? Who has sexuality? Who projects on the other. Who is more together? Who is needy? Who is autonomous? Who is triggered? Who is acting out?

Notice something? The answer is not predominantly the masculine or the feminine. Either one can behave mindfully or not.

Both men and women are behaving unconsciously and doing harm. Both men and women are undereducated about power.
– and what self-love actually looks and feels like..much less how to get there.

Solutions can be made. Do you want the painful solutions or the nice ones?

Let’s explore solutions that make baby steps and that can be adjusted easily because what is going to happen?: A new experiment.

Let’s think a while. Let’s talk in ‘discussions’ not declarations. Let’s offer information openhandedly without demanding that information be heard. Let’s inspect power, seeking to learn about power difference. Let’s learn about power in all cultures and find what supports power difference. It’s a new education, a new study, a new hypothesis. The big question is what are we looking for?

SOTU asks, “Who are you going to be?” Well, now power is a topic.
Healing and forgiveness is another way to transform the need for power (over).

One can choose to make adjustments to create equality. Two can do it. Do we need a tipping point? Do we need a poster child? What will make power equality an option for all the competing factions, the powerful, the overwhelmed, etc?

SOTU notes that everyone has a different definition of peace. Perhaps a good exploration by all sides can donate information. Hopefully a clear and utopian mission statement is made to start this experiment.

Where will this mission begin and to where will the mission extend? The very first step is in
oneself. With the first step, the first one approaches another one, then there are two, there
begins a conversation.
Thank you to T-Shirt Cathy for the beautiful pic from Ecuador. © 2018.


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